Below is a short test to help you judge how
your relationship is doing. It is not scientific, but does present
several realities that many of us encounter during a relationship. It
is only meant to make you think about how strong your relationship is.
#1 My relationship now is:
(a) Very hot.
(b) Great, and I am happy with it as it is.
(c) Okay, but it's been better.
(d) Im not too happy, but I don't want to throw it away.
(e) I want out!
#2 Things that happened (the romance) when were
were still dating:
(a) Are still happening, I look forward to the little things like
(b) Still happen but not as often.
(c) Are missing in action.
#3 When I see someone that I feel attracted to:
(a) I just smile at them.
(b) I smile and have a momentary thought about them.
(c) I imagine myself with them.
(d) I would attempt to get to know them.
#4 My thoughts about having a lover on the side:
(a) Never crosses my mind.
(b) I find the though exciting, and I may fantasize when making love.
(c) Is always on my mind, and should the opportunity present itself, I
would move on it.
(d) Is a reality, I have one now.
#5 The person that I am in a relationship with
(a) Still has the same goals and interests as me.
(b) Is moving in another direction. It seems we met at a crossroad in
#6 Finding time for my partner:
(a) Is never a problem. We always set aside time each day for each
(b) Is somewhat difficult. It seems that other things tend to consume
all the time a day has to offer.
(c) Is next to impossible. But I still try.
#7 If I could do it all over again:
(a) I would not change a thing.
(b) I would make some minor adjustments.
(c) I would make some major adjustments.
(d) I would not.
Scoring: a = 0 b = 1 c = 2 d =
3 e = 4
Score 0 - 2 It would seem your relationship is in good shape.
Score 3 - 5 It would seem things have been better but still in
Score 6 - 9 It would seem some maintenance is required.
Score 10+ It would seem that your relationship has some
The road of life Test
Many people have asked
me about their relationship. The most common
is will it last. The answer to this is very simple. Relationships that
the longest are the relationships with common interests. If you enjoy
out and partying, and your partner would much rather curl up with a
book.... Well you can see what I am talking about. Eventually you will
spending less and less time together to do the things you like to do.
here is how the test works. When you have some time alone get a piece
paper and a pen. Don't use a pencil because you must think carefully
you write. Write on the paper the sections below (or just print the PDF file) . Allow
your answers. Road of life
10 years ago
5 Years ago.
3 Years ago.
1 year ago.
1 year from now.
3 years from now.
5 years from now.
10 years from now.
Then apply the questions to the appropriate sections:
What was important to me?
What is important to me today?
What are my goals in the future?
Then take this paper and place it in a sealed envelope. Then have your
do the same, but they must be alone without any influence from you when
take the test.
After you both have answered the questions compare them. Check to see
you are traveling in the same direction on the same road of life. Or
you meet at a intersection and now are traveling apart. Note your
goals as of today may change as new opportunities come up over the
So only use this as a snapshot of today. This again is not scientific
only meant to help you answer your own questions. It will help you
about the future.
section below was added because of several e-mails that had the same
If your partner delays doing the test after repeated requests you may
want to look at that as a yellow
flag. it probably means they are trying to guess what your
answers will be and not what they would put. Honesty is very important
in any relationship. It only takes 10 to 15 minutes to do the test. If
your partner gets angry at you for asking them to do the test, then
this is a red flag. It
probably means that there is real insecurity in doing the test. Common
responses may be to make you apologize for asking them to do the test.
It may also involve manipulative behavior like crying. This is a very
big red flag. This could
mean that they are totally dependent on you and they are making
personal sacrifices to keep the relationship. This could be from deep
love or your just a meal ticket. In ether case it probably means they
are not truly as happy as they could be. Other reason could be that you
partner has suffer through an abusive relationship before this one and
somehow this may trigger negative emotions. Keep in mind the reason for
the test is to help you answer valid questions that you are entitled to
know. If any of the above happen, you need to look at the whole thing
from a third persons view. This is helpful in removing emotion and
looking at this with greater clarity. Also don't make any snap
judgments, wait about two days and ask them why they acted that way.
Depending on how long the relationship has lasted so far, you should
know if you are asking something you should not. If you have only been
seeing them for a month or two, it may be too soon to expect a answer.
However if it has been a year or more you should be entitled to know.
At this point you should be able to decide if professional help is
needed or not.
How in tune are you with your
these 22 questions and then see below to find out what your answers
1. I can name my partner's best friends.
2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
3. I know the names of some people who have been irritating my partner
4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams.
5. I know my partner's basic philosophy of life.
6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
8. When we're apart, I think fondly of my partner.
9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.
10. My partner really respects me.
11. There is passion in our relationship.
12. Romance is still part of our relationship.
13. My partner appreciates the things I do.
14. My partner likes my personality.
15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.
16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.
17. My partner is one of my best friends.
18. We just love talking to each other.
19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our
20. My partner listens respectfully even when we disagree.
21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.
22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.
What your answers mean:
15 or more positive answers:
You have a lot of strength in your relationship.
8 to 14 positive answers: This
is a pivotal time in your relationship as there are strengths you can
build upon, but do focus on the weaknesses that need your attention.
7 or fewer: Your relationship
may be in serious trouble and could be headed for the rocks. If you're
concerned about this, it means you probably still value the
relationship enough to get help.
I receive emails from all
around the world with people asking me about their relationship. I do
my best to answer all of them in a timely manor. If you have a question
about a relationship problem please provide the following information
in your email. Because different parts of the world view relationships
in different lights, it is important for me to know your beliefs and
about the culture of your upbringing.
* Your location (culture).
* Your gender.
* Their age.
* Their location (culture).
* Their gender.
* How long have you been
* Any other specific information.